New Year: same year?
In Thailand "Same same, but different" is kind of an infamous phrase, largely because it doesn't make much sense at first, but then it kind of does. It can be used in a myriad of ways, depending on what the speaker wants it to convey; much like the Indian head wobble which caused me great confusion during my months there. Something can indeed be the same but also different. Likewise, two very different things can sort of be the same. It's a bit of a trip if you think about it too much actually. January is on its way out the door, February waiting patiently to come in. I've spotted snowdrops pushing up through the icy earth, the first sure sign of Spring approaching; light returning. It's been freezing this month, lots of ice and snow and cold winds, under sometimes, brilliant blue skies. I hate being cold, i really do and sadly i am always cold. I wear so many layers it's actually quite to hard to move at times. I'm reminded daily that i'm in the wrong country but there's not a thing I can currently do about it so, I put as many layers on as I can and get on with it. It being the day, the days that begin and end whether we want them to or not. They do. I stick to my routine- running, stretching, cooking, eating, walking, reading/ researching, keeping warm, hoping, despairing. Pretty much in that order. I'm trying to stop counting the months since i've been here, it's depressing and fruitless so I avoid thinking about it as much as I can. I've been dreaming of boats, of rippling sails, sea breezes and faraway shores. I've always wanted to learn to sail, it always cost more money that I had so I couldn't but I will. I have gotten quite seasick in the past, which could prove to be problematic but surely, eventually, I'd become immune? I imagine myself climbing up the sail pole thingy (I don't even know if you can do that, maybe only on a pirate ship?) and looking out at the horizon, wind in my hair, sun on my face, moving forward, steering myself forward. It's a nice daydream. On that pirate theme, i've always kind of wanted to walk the plank; I quite like the idea of jumping off the edge, floating with the tide and letting the ocean decide my fate. I don't trust myself with that job. Right now, most of us have no real say in our lives so it already feels a bit like treading water and hoping for land. Yep, so far 2021 is quite like 2020 but this time we are more prepared; cautiously hopeful that things will get better but really not expecting them to. Adventure, freedom and normality are not promised to anyone this year. The world is uncertain and coming to terms with that fact is the best way to cope I think. We still control how we live in the small mundane ways that are all we have now. And there is still joy or maybe contentment to be found in that. Kinda boring but reliable and that can be nice too. Same same, but different.
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LittlebirdJenna. Free spirit, flower enthusiast, seeker of truths. Archives
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