A few weeks ago I discovered a magical place close to my house: a wild flower meadow. It’s a place of dreams. My flower-strewn dreams anyway. It’s been right under my nose for years and I didn't realise. I feel a royal fool; I missed the spring wildflowers. Damn. But I’ve found it now. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to find it then, maybe I was guided to it now because I needed the energy at this point in my life.
What point would that be? Well I’m a little, big bit, lost. I know I have a lot to give and a lot to do with my time on earth but for whatever reason, I'm stuck. I’ve lost myself, my joy, my passion and a lot of other vital aspects of life. Where did I lose them though? I've travelled the world, seen incredible sights, met wonderful people but it’s never felt enough. I've never felt enough rather. I find it hard to live in the developed world with all its silly problems when I’ve seen such beautiful people living desperately sad lives. The guilt and injustice has rendered me an anxious mess and I feel unable to move forward. I’ve taken some steps and had some moments of peace but very few. The very fact that I feel this way exasperates me- I’m so blessed and privileged, why can’t I just be grateful for what I have? Oh if I only had the answer. I actually think that modern life is a huge construct of lies but that’s a whole other story, not for today…Oh, I also have an eating disorder on top of all that joy so I’m sure you can imagine just how much fun it is in my head. It’s a battlefield. Back to the meadow; the first time I stumbled upon my little utopia, I got so carried away I ended up in, what can only be described as, a flower jungle. They were over my head and while I am only 5 foot 3 on a good day, that’s still pretty tall for flowers. I thought it rather poetic to be trapped in a flower jungle, humbling to crouch beneath their thorned stems. It felt right actually, to be dwarfed by nature. Like a living metaphor of life itself; we’re all tiny specks in a great big giant universe, transient and insignificant. Right? Mother Nature is my queen anyway, I’m but a servant in her mighty empire. The beauty of the natural world astounds me daily and it reminds me that there is something much bigger than me at work here. I don’t know what it is but I’m okay with that. Why should I know all the secrets? So ultimately, I think that the natural world holds the key to returning to myself, back to a functioning human being. Wouldn’t that be nice? I’m very drawn to flowers in particular so I believe that they are going to help me a lot. They already have. Flower power bro. That’s the wee piece of my journey I'd like to share right now. It may not be eloquently written but I hope to develop my writing as well as my soul with this blog. Let’s skip through petal strewn meadows together. I dare you to feel sad while doing that.... I AM A PART OF THE EARTH THEREFOR I BELONG |
LittlebirdJenna. Free spirit, flower enthusiast, seeker of truths. Archives
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