Anemone: Forsaken; anticipation hello. is anyone listening? does anyone see me? it doesn't seem like it. Cue deep sigh Anemone is a genus of around 120 species of flowering plants belonging to the ranunculacae family. It is native mostly to the temperate zones of the Northern hemisphere. Anemones are perennial plants that grow from tubers. They have long thin stems bearing flowers with petals in shades of white, purple, yellow, pinks and reds. Unusually, the sepals of an anemone are indistinguishable from the petals themselves. The flower petals curl in slightly, almost like a little saucer. Pulsatilla and Hepatica flowers are closely related so often grouped within the anemone genus. The name anemone is from Greek origins, meaning "daughter of the wind". The etymology is the reason for the flower also being know as wind flower, symbolic as the wind blows the petal open, eventually also, blowing the dead petals away. Greek mythology tells also that the goddess Venus actually created the anemone; she is told to have sprinkled the nectar on the blood of her dead lover Adonis. Somehow the anemone came to be? There are so many types of anemones and they do all have slightly differing meanings but what I take from them is a general theme of waiting and wondering. To anticipate is to await something, well big, happening. It can be frustrating but mostly you know that it is coming so its wait-able. To be forsaken though, is to feel abandoned and forgotten about; perhaps you have been kept waiting too long and you've lost hope of anything ever coming to fruition. Like our life purpose becoming clear!!! For that i've been waiting and waiting and waiting. As the seasons prepare to transition once again, the long warm days have passed and with it many summer flowers. The cheerful face of the anemone however remains, blooming right up into September when the majority are done for the season. Late summer flowers such as the anemone are a true joy, a gentle memory of sunshine as we near the chilly Autumn months. It must be one of the most difficult things about being a breathing, thinking, living human; to be able to see your dream, feel it even but not have the means to achieve it. Or to be shackled with commitments and responsibilities, leaving you unable to pursue deep desires. Say, for the single mother in Kenya with 6 children and not enough money, perhaps she sees a small patch of land and some seeds to grow food. For the actor, well honed in his craft, the perfect role etched in his mind but reality un-painting of this picture. For the office worker stuck in a dingy cubicle, existing each day to earn enough money for the family but dreaming of a simpler life, closer to nature. I could go on, a great many of us live this way. For me, a small space I can call my own and some land to grow flowers. Fresh air and green spaces.I am the sort of person that loves to have work to do, that strives getting up early and having routine and tasks. Yet the life I live is so lacking in those things, I cant find a way to give my passion wings. Why be given such passion if I am unable to use it? I don't want to waste my days working in a menial job I hate, likewise I don't want to waste my days pottering round my parents house ,trying frantically to find some semblance of peace and control. To be different is a huge curse yet a huge blessing, all at once. If I can't be this person then why allow me to become it? If there is a place for us all then why do I feel like 34 sided shape trying to fit into a round hole? I wonder if this is how a sapling must feel, down there on the forest floor staring up at the trees; its destiny as clear as day yet its reality is so far from it. All it can do is wait and hope that one day it will take its place alongside the others. Perhaps that is the greatest frustration of all. To be lost you don't even know what your looking for so how can you hope for it? But when you do know what you want and you see it in your mind everyday, life can become a tedious hardship. A frustrating torturous loop from which there seems to be no escape. I have patience, I have a lot of it in fact but its not helping me right now. I'm frustrated and angry and I don't know how to move forward. Why make me this person if i cant bloody well be her? What if some of us slip under the radar? Like that one penny that you couldn't catch when you drop your purse; scrabbling to gather your fallen tokens, one renegade rolls and disappears between the floor boards. It still exists but is in essence gone. With so many people on this earth, how can we all be accounted for? Maybe some of our destinies do just that, slip away from sight. The soul it belongs to knows its still there because, my god, are the feelings of purpose intense. But no matter what we do, we cant catch our futures, we float along in muted existences of little interest. I see the kind of life I want before my eyes yet for years now I have been totally unable to bring it to fruition. I don't know if that makes sense but in my mind it does. At my core I want to do something that has meaning, I want my small fleeting existence to have at least a little substance. To imprint a little piece of myself on the earth; our legacy will only ever be a faint whisper but let it be one you would be proud of. When others care only about money and status, why do they find their paths and their happiness so much easier? I know its not the case for everyone but that's how I feel when I look at the world around me. The ones that care and want to do good are so often limping along and unable to do it. I just cant make sense of this world at all; this quote is me:
"She always had that about her, that look of otherness, of eyes that see things much too far and of thoughts that wander off the edge of the world." -Joanne Harris Indeed. It gets so tiring. The constant searching and digging for meaning, for proof that I do belong here on this earth. Its just such a struggle and I don't understand why. I cant just forget about the things that matter to me; morals and integrity are all we have when everything is stripped away. So yep, that's where i'm at today on the eve of my 24th birthday. Confused and frustrated and rather disheartened. But at least i still feel, feeling is good even if its not pleasant; its proof that my soul lives and cares and itches to fulfill its earthly duty. I have the sense to know that i haven't really been abandoned, just forgotten about temporarily maybe. A lot more people need help and guidance than me and i would never put my own needs before someone else's. I'm not going to give up believing that the world is linked and intertwined with meaning and purpose and intention. Perhaps that dropped penny will be picked up by a stranger, maybe it will bring them luck when they really needed it. So it was never forgotten at all, just waiting out of sight, for the right time and person. And so the cycle will always continue, the anticipation, the feelings of despair and eventually the peace and resolution. Life in essence. When the circle completes, we'll be so glad that we waited it out.
0 Comments
|
LittlebirdJenna. Free spirit, flower enthusiast, seeker of truths. Archives
December 2021
Categories
All
|