This month, I want only to pay tribute to Ben. We had to say goodbye to him and it was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. So heartbreakingly sad it was hard to bear.
We got him almost 17 years ago as a tiny puppy from a farm. My sisters and I had been dying for a puppy, pretty much our whole lives; in fact when our parents told us they were expecting our younger sister, we hoped they were telling us we were getting puppy. Laura is great so I'm glad she wasn’t a puppy but basically, we reallyyyyy wanted one. We had all the small animals but a dog of our own was the ultimate dream. He was tiny and fluffy, like a teeny panda. We were obsessed with him. Pretty quickly he discovered his razor sharp teeth and savaged us all. And a big chunk of wall. He grew into a strange being, likely influenced by the equally strange people he lived with. Terrified of all animals, including flies, babies, loud noises, sharp noises and certain people. We learned his quirks and adapted to suit him. He went through a phase of refusing to go for a walk unless you hid behind our hedge then jumped out. Some days he would just turn around and run home. Or decide he wanted to go a different way. He didn't walk on a lead, he ran ahead, waited at every road until we told him “on you go”. He was so special. We were too slow for him. I used to take him running with me, he always ran far ahead prompting many people to assume I was chasing after him. I guess I was a bit. I loved taking him with me. It was a sad day when he stopped in the middle of one of our runs; he turned around and just looked at me; I knew he had had enough. I had outrun him. After that, he wouldn't trust me to take him out for a walk if I wore trainers, so I had to be sure to show him my (not running) shoes to convince him we were only going a walk. He hiked with us, came on holidays, day trips, walks to the shops; he came everywhere. He loved long walks, snow, any water source, catching bubbles, playing go find, my gran. At the end of her life, he lay in the bed beside her, not bothering for walks or food, just there with her. Anyone who say animals are not sentient beings are so completely wrong. They are sensitive and entirely capable of feeling. He was a huge part of our family and his absence is hard to get used to. I keep expecting to see his lovely big face at the kitchen door, looking for a snack. Aren’t we all? We realised that we weren’t being fair to him, his quality of life was no longer what he deserved. We’d known it for a while but it was such a horrible decision to make, we hoped we wouldn't have to. For years, we have been getting up in the middle of the night, often several times because that’s what he wanted. My dad took the brunt of it but we all did it, it was annoying but he needed us to do that for him and we did. He was family, he was part of us. So here's to Ben, a truly majestic friend who found a home with us and left permanent unforgettable pawprints.
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