I love photography. I've had the same camera for over 10 years (everything I own comes with a history and story to tell) I still use it all the time and feel no need for a new one. I've never understood the need to upgrade items that are still perfectly functional, hence why I wear clothes until they are threadbare and literally walk right out of my shoes. If I like it, I'll just keep it as long as I physically can. I've never bought a phone, I use second hand ones that no one needs anymore and that works for me. My laptop is second hand too and I don't really own anything else big or expensive. Fuck you consumerism. This camera of mine made it's debut on safari at Masai Mara; it captured elephants, giraffes, lions, buffaloes, a cheetah, hyenas, impalas, zebras, hippos all within a few days. We've had good times together. It was almost stolen from me in Pretoria but I fought back, refused to let it go and that slight trauma is part of our history too.
I've been editing some old favourites this month. I have so many. Photos are highlights, they allow us punctuate the uglier parts of life with the beauty that we chose to capture. We can kind of edit our experience, conveniently forgetting the bits that we don't want to remember. Each photo triggers a memory; the taste of a delicious peach, a sight that took your breath away, the distinct scent of a salty sea breeze, the feeling of the warm sun on your face and soft sand under your feet. Magical portals into the past. Despite all my failures, I've been lucky to experience so much beauty and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I really wouldn't. When I take a step back and look at my life without my hyper- critical, I am always wrong and i'm a hopeless person dialogue, it's actually okay. I have thousands of photos of beautiful places, plus the memories that accompany them, a whole drawer of journals packed with stories and no ties to anything at all; really things are not that bad at all. I did what I wanted at the time, without any plan or real idea of what might happen next. It's okay that I did that. It really is. While I still don't know where the future will take me, I do know where I've been.I think remembering the highlights of the last 10 years might just help me get to where I want to go. I'm not done searching yet; life will keep moving and changing if we allow it and flow along with it. I never wanted the ordinary, I actively avoided it actually and I still won't settle for it. I have to believe I'm headed somewhere. My old camera in tow, just in case.
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LittlebirdJenna. Free spirit, flower enthusiast, seeker of truths. Archives
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