August. This has been my favourite month for a long time. I turned 29 (on Friday the 13th but sadly nothing spooky happened) which is fine with me. Although getting older is not something i’m concerned about, it’s hard not to feel like a huge failure by societies standards but I have to remind myself that those standards are not mine. My timeline is different. So yes i'm 29 and still have very little figured out but whatever, it is what it is. Each to their own. I’ll be over here buying myself skipping ropes and daydreaming about adventures and ice cream. In some ways i'm an old lady, in others i'm about 10 years old. What's an age anyway? I just got back from a trip to Ireland to visit one of my favourite people; I met her in a little twin dorm on Magnetic Island a few weeks into my Australia trip. It was the last bed available on the whole island and I only had 1 night there. I had been spending my days walking around trying not to panic, but also totally panicking, while striving to be present and enjoy the beautiful places i was passing through. I had barely met anyone nice and had given up hope that I would, then the Universe sent me Grace. I was alone in the room all evening (I dont go out at night, not on purpose anyway) and had been looking at the massive backpack on the other side of the room wondering who my roommate was and what adventures they were on. I assumed they had been travelling a while due to the impressively large battered backpack and i guessed they were a nature lover but that's about all I could gather. My questions were soon answered when she arrived back late after spending all day on a boat; her name was Grace, she was from Ireland and had been travelling for many months already. We ended up chatting for hours, bonding over our love for solo travel and nature, our dislike for the majority of ‘backpackers’ in this part of Australia and our personal struggles with mental health. Grace has a natural warmth and kindness, it’s impossible not to love her. I knew I’d met a kindred spirit and i fell asleep feeling grateful for the companionship. We spent the next day with her new friend Fred sitting on the deck of his boat in the sunshine before getting the ferry back to Townsville. We were on different schedules but ended up joining up several times and exploring North Queensland together; laughing and adventuring in the sweaty, sticky heat, finding respite in the freezer section of the grocery stores (top travel tip!). I was truly sad to say goodbye to her. We stayed in touch though, sharing our stories as I headed west to Freo to find a job and Grace continued her trip exploring more of Australia, New Zealand and Asia. I had hoped to visit last year then of course, That Thing That Shall Not Be Named got in the way but this year I was determined we would meet again. It felt so exciting to be packing my backpack and getting on the ferry for an adventure! The second I arrived it was like no time had passed and we’d known each other forever. The best feeling after so many dark months feeling pretty lost and hopeless. She took me to some beautiful parts of Ireland, including Donegal, the most Westernly point of the Emerald isle which is a little piece of paradise. It literally took my breath away. Endless beaches, lush green hills, crystal clear water, friendly people and glorious sunshine. We cycled for miles, kayaked through coastal caves, explored walled gardens, hiked to secret beaches, picknicked in some stunning places and enjoyed the easy companionship that comes with real friendship. I don't take good friends for granted and Grace is someone i’m incredibly grateful to have in my life.
It was a magical holiday and I came back feeling recharged and happy. Grace is so rooted and connected to her country which I thought was such a beautiful thing and I loved learning about and experiencing her culture. For somewhere so close to Scotland with a pretty similar Celtic history, it felt distinctly different. I love Scotland but I don't feel that same connection to it, maybe because i’ve always felt so lost here and it’s never really been a positive place for me. No matter what I do, there is part of me that resists and resents being here; I dont know why but it’s a strong feeling that has persisted my whole adult life. I wish I could find somewhere I loved so much I never wanted or had to leave, i think that’s kinda universally what we all want. It’s not that simple to me which is frustrating but just how it is, i’m an unsettled person. I don't mean to be ungrateful, I do know how fortunate I am to have a stable and safe place to call home when a sadly large population of the world don't have any such thing. I'm ashamed that I constantly dream of living somewhere else despite being from a liberal, beautiful country; what right do I have to complain about anything? Like i said I cant really explain why, it's just a loud feeling that demands to be felt. Personally, I think people should be allowed to go where they want and indeed need; where we are born is a lottery that is outwith our control, some people draw the short straw and are unfairly burdened with hardships that the majority of the world cannot begin to understand. It’s not fair. Why does our birthplace give us a privilege we did nothing to earn? While for others, where they were born comes with a barrier they have no power to break down. How is that fair? It's not and sadly that's just life. I wish it wasn't and I wish I could do something about it. The world. Its a mad place. A big swirling vortex or good and bad plus a million things in between. All we can each do is find our anchor amongst it, carve out a place that feels safe, create a home and find peace and purpose within our lives. Hopefully, along the way we find people we can connect with that make us feel less alone and remind us that life is good. Because despite all the darkness, laughter, fresh air, blue skies and friends are truly the things that we, as humans, need.
0 Comments
|
LittlebirdJenna. Free spirit, flower enthusiast, seeker of truths. Archives
December 2021
Categories
All
|