I bought toilet roll for the first time in my life last week. I was excited about it too. It represents landing and grounding and living and staying. I signed a lease on a lovely big room in the pretty village of Penryn. Its right on the river, complete with jewels of fishing boats bobbing up and down in the water and a meandering high street of colourful cottages and independent shops. Its everything i need it to be actually.
For many people its not very exciting, a step back from the years of travel and adventure; but for me this is everything. Its a space that’s mine, a place i can relax and be me. I truly was beginning to believe that i wouldn't be able to work or indeed live anymore, i felt too low, i was crawling out my skin and i wanted to disappear. I cant say those feelings have gone entirely but they are fading because i've proved them to be sort of wrong. I have a job, i have a home and i'm doing okay. I’ve only been in Cornwall 4 weeks and things have fallen into place neatly and swiftly, as if it had all been waiting for me all along. I just had to get here, to show up and take my place alongside the fishing boats and the seagulls. I read a beautiful book recently, coincidentally set in Cornwall, called A Year of Marvellous Ways. The story was written almost like poetry, strewn with magic and legends, lyrical and captivating. One thing the main character said struck a real chord with me “Love. It's the only thing to have faith in... Or the moon. Soemthing that turns up every day when you cant. The sun. The moon. Anything. You have to have faith in something.” It makes so much more sense to believe in nature, its all around us living, breathing, pulsing. How could we not believe in it? Its a visible miracle. A tiny seed becomes a plant, an acorn grows into a huge oak tree, birds can fly across the whole ocean without losing their way. A blazing ball of fire lights up the whole entire freaking earth. Then a silvery orb takes over and illuminates the night alongside billions of gleaming stars; light years away from us but right there for us to see. If that isn't awe inspiring i dont know what is. Learn from what lies all around us is the message that permeates throughout this blog, look at nature for wisdom an guidance; it will not lead you astray. The more connected we all are to Gaia, to earth, the more connected we will be a society, as a nation and as a collective energy. Weeks ago now i found a dice at the side of the footpath as i ambled along full of confusion and panic. It was just sitting there resting on the number 2 ans i felt compelled to pick it up. I began searching for the meaning, perhaps the number was symbolic, was it a date, a co ordinate of a place i should go? I didn't know so i kind of forgot about it. When i found this place to live and saw the address written, i laughed out loud. Flat number 2. I moved in on the 22nd, And the place i stayed before that was also number 2. 4 twos.Yes i know that its not really unusual but it was the sign i needed. I took a chance and i landed the right way up. Like rolling a dice and landing a 6. I have a lot of work to do on myself, i have a lot of creative energy that needs an outlet and lots of bad habits i need to kick. With faith in the ocean and belief in the salty winds, i'll set sail in time.
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LittlebirdJenna. Free spirit, flower enthusiast, seeker of truths. Archives
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