Foxgloves: a wish; insincerity Digitalis is a genus of 20 herbaceous, perennials,shrubs, and biennials; commonly called foxgloves. Digitalis is native to Europe West and Central Asia, Australasia and Northwest Africa though some species are also cultivated and grown as ornamental plant s due to their striking appearance. Foxglove flowers are tubular and grow on a long stalk; the colours range from white to pale pinks, peaches and bright purples, often the flowers are spotted and patterned as well. The most commonly known species is the digitalis purpuea which is the one that is growing wild all over the place right now. Foxgloves tend to grow in acidic soils and can thrive in either deep shade or partial sunlight. Their adaptability allows them to survive in many different habitats from open woodland to moorland, clifftops mountain slopes, hedgerows and also seemingly barren areas such as cleared or burned woodlands. Digitalis literally translates as finger-like, in reference to the shape of the flowers heads which could easily be slipped onto a human finger. Much like a thimble. Best watch out for bees though, they are often hiding in there. I've picked a lot of foxgloves this week, they seem to have suddenly popped up all over the gardens in a kaleidoscope of colours. They are so cool and definitely look a bit magical to me. The bees and butterflies love foxgloves; its said that fairy folk also love them and will live in your garden if you plant some where you wish. Many people used to believe that taking foxglove tincture would allow them to communicate with fairies; that may well have been true but digitalis is also highly poisonous so best not to try that...Illustrations of beautiful little fairies often depict them wearing a foxglove bell as a hat, this was said to be effective in breaking the enchanted connection with humans, should they wish to. The language of flowers cites 2 rather contrasting meanings, wishes connote hope and positivity and magic while insincerity conjures ideas of lies and pretense. Maybe what we have to take from that is that our true wishes are our deep truths; If we wish for something that is not really what lies deep in our souls, a lot of money perhaps, then we will never get it. Conversely, wishing for peace and happiness is a much more worthwhile and viable dream. Some would think it was easier too but in this mad world, its not really the case. Well for some it is; here's to many more of our heart felt wishes being granted. Despite the strangely cloudy and wet weather, Summer is upon us. The sun rises long before 5 and sticks around until after 10 some nights. It would appear that the sun cannot bare to part from the earth, she wants every last minute she can get. What a wonderful way to live: to be so in love with life. For me, its a huge relief when the days end: I made it through another one somehow. That's the first of many truths I want to voice today. Perhaps the greatest gift the earth grants us is tomorrow. We get a chance to start over and live another day. I want to appreciate this more and embody the gratitude i feel in my heart. My actions don't reflect who i am, my fears and anxieties dictate my actions (my thoughts, my days, my life) and i'm so tired of it. I pretend that its all okay and that i'm doing great. That is insincere. A lie in fact. I wage a war daily with anxiety, depression and bulimia. The shame of it drives me crazy. I'm also so incredibly lost and have no idea what to do with my life, nothing seems to be working out which i'm sure is my fault. Sometimes I just dont feel like there is a place for me on this earth, my existence is so damn difficult and i dont know why. So there it is. No one can judge me as harshly as i judge myself. No one can hate me as much as i hate me. I'm sorry, I really am so sorry; i feel like a huge waste of oxygen on this planet. Every day i struggle to cope and despise the way i live; it eats away at my battered soul and i feel so worthless and empty. I'm on edge constantly and unable to relax at all so I numb myself out with food, just to get a little comfort. This is so hard to write, I never wanted anyone to know these things about me. But I have to let it out in order to let it go. To my credit, I never stop trying; I surround myself with flowers, I get outside, I give myself tasks and sometimes its enough. Usually not. I know all about the power of garden therapy and I wish it was the remedy for me, but sadly its not working currently. It might though! Despite all my darkness, I know the light is there and I can find it one day. People are not always as they seem. Many of us fight very secret battles and perhaps the way to victory is simply to remove the secrecy. Allow your whole self to be seen.
I try to write this blog in an honest way without giving away the full extent of my problems because im just so incredibly embarrassed and ashamed of them. I'm a seeker of truths, so I must speak my own truths, regardless of how hard it is. I'm sat here in my room with the sun streaming through my window and asking whoever reads this to please know that its okay to be you. Please just be you. Right now, honestly, i'm hating myself for being inside even though I was out from 6am until 2pm, running, weeding, picking flowers and a whole lot more. In my mind its not enough, i'm being lazy. The little fairy voice just wants me to relax and write this but the big mean human one is screaming at me that I am not enough and never will be. That I am in fact wrong in every single way. It also kindly tells me that my photos are terrible. SHUT UP PLEASE. So now that i'm being sincere let us speak of wishes. I wish i could live in alignment with my soul. That I could be the person I know I am. That i was brave enough to stop fighting the battles that don't need to be fought and start fighting the ones that do. To embrace myself the way i am. I wish that the earth was a kinder, happier place; i wish that no one had to suffer. I wish that the world was all peace and love and joy. But we know that all we can control is our own lives so surely allowing those things for ourselves is important. Maybe we should all put on little foxglove hats, to break the enchantments we have over ourselves; fairies truly embody all that is good on this earth. Faith & mischief & wishes & freedom & magic.
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LittlebirdJenna. Free spirit, flower enthusiast, seeker of truths. Archives
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