I bought toilet roll for the first time in my life last week. I was excited about it too. It represents landing and grounding and living and staying. I signed a lease on a lovely big room in the pretty village of Penryn. Its right on the river, complete with jewels of fishing boats bobbing up and down in the water and a meandering high street of colourful cottages and independent shops. Its everything i need it to be actually.
For many people its not very exciting, a step back from the years of travel and adventure; but for me this is everything. Its a space that’s mine, a place i can relax and be me. I truly was beginning to believe that i wouldn't be able to work or indeed live anymore, i felt too low, i was crawling out my skin and i wanted to disappear. I cant say those feelings have gone entirely but they are fading because i've proved them to be sort of wrong. I have a job, i have a home and i'm doing okay. I’ve only been in Cornwall 4 weeks and things have fallen into place neatly and swiftly, as if it had all been waiting for me all along. I just had to get here, to show up and take my place alongside the fishing boats and the seagulls. I read a beautiful book recently, coincidentally set in Cornwall, called A Year of Marvellous Ways. The story was written almost like poetry, strewn with magic and legends, lyrical and captivating. One thing the main character said struck a real chord with me “Love. It's the only thing to have faith in... Or the moon. Soemthing that turns up every day when you cant. The sun. The moon. Anything. You have to have faith in something.” It makes so much more sense to believe in nature, its all around us living, breathing, pulsing. How could we not believe in it? Its a visible miracle. A tiny seed becomes a plant, an acorn grows into a huge oak tree, birds can fly across the whole ocean without losing their way. A blazing ball of fire lights up the whole entire freaking earth. Then a silvery orb takes over and illuminates the night alongside billions of gleaming stars; light years away from us but right there for us to see. If that isn't awe inspiring i dont know what is. Learn from what lies all around us is the message that permeates throughout this blog, look at nature for wisdom an guidance; it will not lead you astray. The more connected we all are to Gaia, to earth, the more connected we will be a society, as a nation and as a collective energy. Weeks ago now i found a dice at the side of the footpath as i ambled along full of confusion and panic. It was just sitting there resting on the number 2 ans i felt compelled to pick it up. I began searching for the meaning, perhaps the number was symbolic, was it a date, a co ordinate of a place i should go? I didn't know so i kind of forgot about it. When i found this place to live and saw the address written, i laughed out loud. Flat number 2. I moved in on the 22nd, And the place i stayed before that was also number 2. 4 twos.Yes i know that its not really unusual but it was the sign i needed. I took a chance and i landed the right way up. Like rolling a dice and landing a 6. I have a lot of work to do on myself, i have a lot of creative energy that needs an outlet and lots of bad habits i need to kick. With faith in the ocean and belief in the salty winds, i'll set sail in time.
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I moved to Cornwall. My heart longed for the ocean so i followed it south and here i am. Lots of change, lots of anxiety but this feels right i think. I'm staying with the kindest most wonderful people i have ever met; they have welcomed me into their home and given me a sanctuary at a time when i really needed it. My gratitude for them is boundless, i hope i can return the hospitality one day but for now i am cooking lots of vegan food as a small token of my appreciation.
Cliffs, sandy coves, palm trees, celtic mystery and an endless horizon. Home? Sealsong This is the tale of a maiden, of a girl thought lost at sea No one quite knew where she went or did she choose to flee? With golden hair, she shimmered, her feet dancing upon the sand More often at beach, in the water than on the solid land Upon a sun soaked eve in the middle of july The last anyone saw was a twinkle in her sea blue eye She waded into the ocean, sinking toes into the silt Before the ocean took her in its arms,carried in the tidal lilt And so the ocean swept her away, and kept her for his own But not without his mercy, for he gave her a little home In a great white tower with a beacon on the top Lived the maiden of the story but here it does not stop Each morning she would wake and watch the waves crash at her feet Down by the rocks she wandered to see who she might meet Some days she greeted seals and sunbathed on the rocks On others dolphins beckoned, splashing her sandy sodden frocks She was happy in a sense, though trapped, a prisoner too She pleaded with the ocean to release her, her desperation true He was stubborn and refused, you have home here cant you see? But its a home not of my chosing were the words that came from she That night the waves were angry,they crashed around the tower Inside the white washed walls,our maiden cried and shook and cowered When morning came she signed relief, the sun arrived at last The sea was calm and still now, though the tide was rising fast She knew what she must do, this was her chance, her only hope She whispered to the seals her plan and prayed for courage to help her cope As the tide retreated backward, slipping way back on the horizon She jumped, she dived beneath the froth and swam with wild abandon She knew the night had tired him, this storm had been his last He couldnt hold onto her forever, so the worst was surely past She darted through the waves, the seals a constant by her side Soon the shore arrived with caves and coves in which to hide When time came to bid farewell, she would see her fiends no more She found she could not bear it, and wept sadly on the shore But seals are magic beings, they know the truths within our hearts They looked deep into the maidens soul and knew not to depart For our maidens name was Pearla, she was a goddess of the sea Although the ocean stole her, she had always belonged with thee And so they granted her desire, for they knew that it was right As her heart sang the melody of the ocean, a secret she’d held so tight Her freedom could be granted with a gift of glittering scales With a pinch of sand and a salty breeze, Pearla gave a great exhale Where once her legs had been, a turquoise tail now gleamed Diving into the waves, she could swim easily like she’d dreamed No longer the oceans hostage, a friend to her he became Understanding that her freedom was no sad hiding game The tower once a prison, now a symbol of hope and fate Perla swam the ocean wide, shimmering scales in her wake Happy now to have found her way, to be back where she felt free She calls, Dont be scared to let yourself be who you want to be magic is all around us, one must only believe it so When you decide to live your dreams, your joy can only grow If ever you see a maiden wading deep into the surf Do not fear for her, as like Pearla, the ocean is her true turf Many goddesses remain, lost, & wandering an earth they dont belong Come play with me little mermaids, may the shells and waves sing your song |
LittlebirdJenna. Free spirit, flower enthusiast, seeker of truths. Archives
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