White chrysanthemum: truth, veracity Chrysanthemums are flowering plants of the Asteraceae family. They have been cultivated in China for thousands of years but are also native to other parts of Asia and northeastern Europe. Apparently an arrangement or vase of white mums in your home will encourage you to always tell the truth. The composition and number of petals changes the shape of the flower so their appearance can vary quite drastically. Life and flowers delicately entwined again; no matter how many petals, the flower is the same and underneath layers of pretense, the truth is always there at your core. Chrysanthemums are not flowers that everyone likes but then again not everyone likes the truth either so it works. The words i write here are my absolute truth, please do read to the end of this post as there is a happy ending i swear. I've been sitting on this post for weeks now, I just didn't have photos then lo and behold, i get here and what do i find outside my room? The Universe never stops playing. I think its important to live authentically, vital in fact. Why is it so hard to live our truth? Are we all so caught up in seeming like we're happy, seeming like we're successful, seeming like we have it all together that we forget how it feels to be truly happy and content? I've been struggling because my life was not right for me, it didn't fit. I simply didn't care about the life I was leading. I dont want the stuff, the status, the money- none of it is real. I longed to run on the beach and dig in the dirt and feel connected to the Earth- that's what makes me feel alive. For months, in fact maybe years now, my whole being has felt grey and faded, like im being erased from my own life. I've been uninspired and struggling to do any of the things that make me me. So i dont feel like me. I often wonder if there are more people out there that see through the lies that society feeds us. Well i know there are loads but how do they manage to find peace and happiness amidst it all? Why do i need a big house, a mortgage, a husband, 8 million different cosmetics, drugs etc? Why do i need to get a degree and acquire all the silly little bits of paper that prove im intelligent? I might not need them but the society we live in thinks i do. I have none of those things so I feel invalid and really quite alone at times. I don't like the same things as the majority, i seek silence and solitude and just something more. Ultimately, we all want true unconditional happiness; I just dont know what that means for me or how to find it. I refuse to be a part of this silly game of life yet i must because whats the alternative? How do i make my existence bearable? How do i force myself to be excited about a life im not comfortable living? How long can you continue living a way that feels all wrong to you?
How do you find answers when you dont believe there are any? Belief is such a powerful thing, without it, change is but an illusion. I happen to think that often illness is a product of lifestyle, if we are unhappy our bodies display physical symptoms and I manifested myself pneumonia. It literally floored me- no running, no distracting myself with menial tasks, I needed to just do nothing. I hated it. Its still affecting me now, I tried to run and it was agony. My body gave up on me, it had had enough and I dont blame it. I need to listen, to reconnect with my true self and only then will I be able to move forward. No one said life was simple or easy but through being 100% yourself, you'll find something real and fulfilling. Don't allow yourself to exist as a shadow, our world needs you as the brightly coloured being that you are. Through feeling all of that, i found a kind of answer. Leave. Pack up and go in search of truth and sun. So i quit my job, dusted off my trusty backpack and battered sandals, reveled in their glory and off I went with pneumonia in tow. Now i'm in Puerto Escondido, Mexico staying in a beautiful place a million times nicer than any hostel (gracias padres). I'm convalescing if you will. I still struggle with anxiety about my life and the future and stifling feelings of being wrong in every way, but i'll get there. The sun shines bright every day, birds sing sweetly and flowers blossom on every corner. I can feel some colour returning to my soul (not just red from my sunburn) and after many deep breaths and a whole lot of self doubting, I think i've made the right choice. Strip it all back and stand tall. Who are you without all of the conditions our society has placed on us? What are your opinions? Your desires? Does having a fancy car actually make you happy? Why do you need more money? Is whatever you are stressing out about actually worth the pain? Its scary at first to feel that exposed but we all need to reassess our souls. If you are unhappy, change it. Our lives are ours to lead, there is no manual so whatever you want to do is totally valid and wonderful. Go and do it. We are individuals and we dance to the beat of our own drums. Listen, feel it pulse through your veins, dance until your souls sings.
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LittlebirdJenna. Free spirit, flower enthusiast, seeker of truths. Archives
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