Traditions: (noun) the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation. I have mixed feeling about this time of year. Christmas used to me favourite time of year by far, not because of the presents, i just loved the feeling of anticipation. The tree, the decorations, the possibility of snow, the spicy smells, and everyone gathering together to enjoy a day of food and merriment. It felt to me that we spent all year waiting for Christmas to arrive.The time between December 25th and hogmanay is a funny one, things are not quite back to normal but the Christmas songs have stopped playing and the decorations start to be tidied away for next year. We are waiting for both the end and the start. A few weeks ago i found myself with a blissful unexpected weekend off, on a bright chilly sunday i visited one of the most beautiful gardens i’ve had the pleasure to experience. It moved me close to tears from the sheer glory of it. The Lost Gardens of Heligan have a tragic but fascinating story. They were abandoned then stumbled upon by chance and restored over many years. On their discovery, a small room in the grounds bore the etched names of 9 men. These men worked there before they were drafted to fight in world war 1. Tragically only 4 of these men returned. The restored gardens are a tribute to their bravery and the gardeners today use traditional methods in honour of those from generations past. They might be gone but their stories remain in the gardens they tended and the love they poured into the soil. Thats what i love about nature, its timeless and can speak to everyone without need for words. Plants have been grown and loved for as long as humans have existed and i truly hope that this will always be the case. In each blade of grass a memory, Of the soil in which it roots Crops and plants have grown here Left their virtues in the earth Nurtured by those before us a gift from past to future whispered secrets in the seeds etched stories in the earth - relics The importance of upholding traditions is undeniable yet debatable; some are best left in the past but others must be cherished and continued. Christmas is traditionally a religious celebration but is viewed as such by a very small percentage of those who celebrate it now. The story of nativity and Jesus's birth is a beautiful tale whether or not you are a Christian, the symbolism and magic remains. Gold, frankincense and myrrh, together symbolise the gifts given to baby Jesus by the 3 kings. Miracles, kindness, a baby and animals- all the very best things in one story! But our modern day celebrations are more about consuming, our society that is never satisfied uses it as an excuse to buy yet more. Its a bit obscene really. Why do so many allow themselves to be sucked in to the toxic energy instead of just enjoying the festivity? Do we simply so things because its what we’ve always done? The frenzied shoppers grabbing things that they cant afford for people who dont care anyway. Sending cards to people they never speak to for what reason? Maybe we need to stop and ask ourselves why we are doing it. Is it what we believe in or simply whats expected? Whose tradition are you upholding? ![]() What Christmas really means for me is coming home, however long the journey takes to be with the people i love. They are worth the miles and the discomfort without doubt. The years i spent travelling were almost always scheduled around christmas so i could be home. The one year i spent in New Zealand was very odd indeed. It felt a bit wrong to be sitting outside having a barbecue without my family. So i make the effort to come back home each year. Last week, I embarked on a 12 hour train odyssey with a suitcase of gifts i'd spent hours planning and making to get home. You dont get time back and thats what i spent on my family; i gave them my time because money is easy to give, you can make more but time spent cannot be regained. Each item i made was filled with intention and thought, they may not have been perfect or as good as something you can buy but i poured my love and energy into each one and thats the best gift i think you can give. Gifts, from me will always be home made because they mean more. I dont mind what anyone else does, the thought behind any present is enough, i just know that handmade personalised gifts have become my own little tradition. And im happy about that. Finding my own traditions is something im working on, i’m still figuring out how to take up my space on this earth with confidance, without feeling like i dont belong. My entire adult life has been fraught with incredible adventures, huge challenges and in all bare faced honestly, more panic and worry than happiness. Is that because ive made bad choices? Because depression is in my dna? Is it just me? I’ve felt conflicted and lost for so many years, torn between nesting and flying; scared to take my place and be who i am because i just dont know who that is. Do i stay and figure it out or just leave and hope it figures me out. Maybe ive been so busy worrying about what I should be that i forgot who i am now. I may not be the complete version, not even the half but im trying; im pushing myself .i might be years behind my peers in terms of career, self confidance, relationships etc but this is who i am. I have to accept that my path is mine alone and just because its a bit different doesn't make it wrong. It doesn't make me wrong. We each create our own reality and actually when i take a step back, scramble out of the web of worry and fear that often shrouds the truth, my life is getting closer to my ideal all the time. Step by step. Growing slowly like a tree, rooting deeply in order to support the great growth and wonder to come. Upholding traditions and following in the footsteps of those before us is not always right. Some things are best left in the past; its up to each of us individually to decide what we want to bring from the past into our future. Isn't that what life is about? Learning from those that came before us, respecting their wisdom but knowing that they weren't always right. Isn't that how we progress as individuals and as a collective population. Modern life is moving at an alarming rate, society is changing so fast its hard to keep up; i cant be alone in feeling totally overwhelmed by all the choices we are faced with. Its crazy. I look to the days of my childhood, happily writing stories and playing with my sisters, excited about the arrival of summer and Christmas, safe in the love my parents surrounded me with. Can you blame me for often wishing i could return to that! Figuring out how to be an adult has not ever come naturally to me yet here i am, living in a pretty little village by the sea and trying my best despite often feeling like i cant. So for 2018 i hope to be me, my resolution is solely to be more myself than i’ve ever been. To spend more time creating, listening to nature and finding stillness. Nature is my true teacher and inspiration so i will continue to seek answers from the earth. I hope that a year of nesting and staying will strengthen my wings ready for adventures to come. From my little corner here in Cornwall, i wish you a peaceful and abundant new year. May you find yourself and create the life that feels right to you.
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