Winter weather in Spring= Sprinter It would appear that Spring has changed its mind and run away. It was snowing very heavily earlier; the largest snowflakes i have ever seen in fact. Nature is always keeping us on our toes! I was out running in it obviously; thankfully I do love to run in all weather except very strong wind in my face so i quite enjoyed it. I passed several walkers and runners who had the same look of confused bemusement as me. What season is it? Lets call it Sprinter. Running really feels like my link to life- if i wake up and make an effort to run it symbolises a conscious effort to participate in life and feel ALIVE. Sometimes i just walk, sometimes i walk a little, sometimes i don't ever want to stop running and some mornings i don't go at all. I've never once regretted going for a run so i really do try to commit to it as often as i can. Days off are good; keeps the balance. Running is a process, a meditation, an exercise for both mind and body. Things are moving forwards i think, i'm trying to keep busy and i feel that a little flame of hope has sparked again. I am often scared to ask the Universe for help for fear that i am undeserving but i put my plea out there and I'm glad i did. It fees like the wheels are turning and life is in motion. Its a waiting game once more, i know roughly where i want to be but its not as simple as getting from A to B. So i wait and trust. Well i try. If the summer buds can wait a few more months to blossom then I guess I can too. I have also returned to seeking flowers in my hair, i'm down off the edge and strolling in the verdant meadows once more. In the snowstorm. A confused kind of beauty; nature in limbo. Winter holding Spring tightly in its snowy arms as she tries to frolic free. Spring is a playful season for sure. The seasons mingling together is really quite special to witness. Snow dusted daffodils are a rare sight indeed. And brilliant blue skies juxtaposed with billowing grey clouds is a rather impressive scene. An attitude of wonder is the best possible way to experience this earthly existence- you will not be disappointed as there is treasure and surprise to be found literally everywhere.
Admittedly, other things get in the way and rob us of the wonder quite often; we are just so wrapped up in our own heads and worlds that we forget the bigger picture. Its a very human affliction, we all do it. If you find yourself feeling like this a lot then i have a gentle suggestion that may help. This is a wee exercise in grounding that i do sometimes; In your head, or out loud, list: 5 things you can see 4 things you can hear 3 things you can feel 2 things you can smell Finally, take 1 big deep breath And continue with your day, hopefully feeling more grounded and calmer. I find it can gently help to connect to the present moment; to really see beyond my own anxieties and appreciate the real world around me. In all its glory. That's the hail stones on again, i was going to go and plant some flowers but i think making soup is a more fitting activity. There are always options and choices and joys to be found in every day; keep my mind open, your thoughts positive and your heart full.
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Spring- Rebirth, Revive, Relearn
Spring feels like a transition period to me. The longer days and brighter nights are a very welcome change after the darkness of winter. There is still a slight chill in the air but some warmth is finally beaming down on us. I find there is a real sense of anticipation as the excitement of summer beckons closer. I cant say i'm all that excited about summer, i don't have any plans or much to look forward to, but i do love to see the new flowers that sprout up. I've had my wild flower guidebook out and already spotted some new floral friends- the Cuckooflower, Coltsfoot and wild Snakeshead Fritillary! Love that one. I find the changing seasons a little challenging as i become used to my routines and a new season brings need for a new routine. Takes a bit of getting used to. I love Spring though; the blue skies and bird song and splashes of daffodils are a delight to behold. I had dreamed up a cute little story about a family of field mice and their restless children during the winters hibernation; sadly a little research unearthed the truth that field mice in fact do not hibernate. Ah well, i'll add it to my ever growing Idea Archive. I am now home from Mexico and though hardy striving, it was the right choice and for once, i don't feel like i did the wrong thing. Well, i do a bit but its a quiet whisper and i can ignore it. The pneumonia came and went again, i'm feeling much better but rather lacking in energy. I'm playing around with aromatherapy oils, label designs and some new littlebird ideas. Nothing seems to move very fast with me but maybe that's okay, as long as i am moving. Why is it that i don't do the things that i should? Chronic faffer over here. I went a long walk today to take photos and spotted rabbits, lambs, a ladybird, bees, squirells and countless birds. It feels like such a priviledge to be granted a glimpse of wild little creatures. A hedgehog next please. I'm not sure what else to say so lets just keep things simple. Instead of expecting lots of progress and action, i propose that for April we simply; appreciate the beauty that is, be where we are and feel hopeful that the coming months will bring us sunshine and joy. Imagine yourself like a little animal waking up from a long hibernation, trying to adapt to the new season; its exciting but a little overwhelming at times. Dont attempt too much too soon. Sometimes its okay to be still and slow and simply be. Cactus: Endurance A cactus is a member of the plant family Cactaceae The word "cactus" derives, through Latin, from the Ancient Greek kaktos, a name originally used for a spiny plant whose identity is not certain. Cacti occur in a wide range of shapes and sizes and most live in extremely dry habitats, subject to at least some drought. Cacti are native to the Americas, growing wild from Patagonia in the very south to Canada in the far North. Their spines are called areoles which defend them from predators and additionally help prevent water loss. I could go on but basically they are very complex and clever plants; they have to be to survive the harsh environments they call home. I think the past month has been one of the longest of my life, i feel like i've been gone for years. My travels usually span over many months so im not sure why this one has felt so long. It may seem absurd that a month in beautiful Mexico could be seen as a challenge but for me and my strange ways, it was. The days were often difficult to fill, i was overwhelmed and so anxious about anything and everything. But despite how bad i felt, i rose each morning bright and early and met the day head on. I walked out to meet it and tried to make the most of the day, in whatever way i could. I experienced some magical moments; swimming through a cave in azure water with bats an stalactites overhead; watching the sunrise from my hammock in Mazunte; seeing wild dolphins playing in the ocean, to list just a few. The Earth is good to us. The most enjoyable times for me are often quiet hours reading, long walks along the beach, wandering through markets stalls and spotting wildlife. I'm a seeker of simple pleasures and humble tastes. I wouldn't say that my time here was an endurance but it sometimes was and here i am at the end, several shades darker, full of avocadoes and with sunburned lips but very ready for whatever is coming next. What i am ready to endure is the next vital steps in my life and the inevitable difficulties i'll face.I trust that it will be worth it in a way that prolonging this trip was not. There are cactus everywhere here, big and small. Growing wild, in pots, in cracks of buildings, all over. There are even cacti forests! Some are huge and spiky, others are small and round, some also have flowers. I ate nopales a few times too and quite liked it. Wasn't spiky at all : ) I feel a bit sorry for them to be honest, they are a dry, batterred bunch. Must be hard living in parched, exposed places. But they grow there because the Earth knows that they can handle it. And they do. Maybe their quiet fighting spirits helped me through my weeks here. I like to think so. We are not like plants, we're rootless and free to roam the earth on our humble little legs. I do think that this liberty has its disadvantages though. Humans are a complicated species; our wandering minds and restless souls dont afford us the peace our plant sisters have. A cactus is a cactus and endure it will because it has no choice. We have a choice, we can put up with a situation we are unhappy with or we can take action and change it. The options can be confusing rather than freeing, with so many possibilities how can we know what is the right choice?
We are blessed to have these choices, to be able to wander and get lost, to stumble into the unknown, to discover new horizons. It's a privilege to be able to do these things, they remind us we are alive and the world is our playground. Life is precious and unpredictable and the only person that can live it is you. Stay, go, run, hide, skip, swim- for us the options are almost limitless. The choice is yours and at the end of the day life is for enjoying, not enduring so if it makes you happy, it's totally completely right. Don't be parched and exposed like a cactus unless you want to be, there is no good reason to allow yourself to be sad. I head home knowing that I made the choice to go back to what i thought i didn't want; Scotland and routine. Its me that makes me unhappy, i see that as clear as day now. Nothing will change unless i change. How many times now have i flown off to a new country only to be disappointed that i didn't "find myself" or a sense of purpose there. I'm not going to, never was and never will. Each experience teaches me deep lessons and forces me to look inward, despite my inherent avoidance of this very thing. This is a journey of the soul and i cant escape it. Me and the cactus, standing together enduring the life that was given to us. There is beauty to be found when we make it through hardships, when we don't turn away from what must be faced. Enough of the running away, its time to discover how to be at peace with myself. Muchas Gracias Mexico y cactus. Now for the journey home- bus, plane, train, bus. Bracing myself for the cold. Journey: a voyage of discovery. I really wanted each post to correspond with a particular plant or flower but im a bit scattered right now and my mind is a chaotic place so this is just some thoughts from the past few days. On our journeys, there are ups and downs and bumps in the road , dead ends and an abundance of challenges. We cant predict what is going to happen or how we are going to feel. What we can influence is how we react to the situations we find ourselves in. I'm not so good at that, when i lose control, i cant cope. I've changed my blog name to girl on the edge, when I get off the edge I will return to seeking flowers in my hair. I think im on the edge in every sense; skirting along the outsides of life, unable to relax, scared to commit to anything, a lone wolf (bird) pacing the forests on my own; my mind a sharp and jagged environment keeping me trapped. At the top of a mountain peering down at the distant vibrant world below me, desperate to join but safe in my isolation up here on the edge. No one can force me down, I have to take those tentative careful steps myself. Stumbling on the loose gravel underfoot, scared that I am making a mistake but aware that the journey back up is way more arduous than to continue. And thus a new path is tread. I don't know where it will lead or when I'll get there but that's okay. One step at a time. I might fall but I'll get up and try again, that's all we can do. Each day we are blessed that the sun rises, bathing the earth in warmth and light, beckoning us from the darkness into a new day of boundless opportunity. So i tell myself. I actually thought i didn't like being in the mountains, that it made me feel trapped and that beaches my favourite. But on this trip, i've found most peace and joy in a small village up in the hills. I had a lot of creative, positive thoughts during my time there and the vicious army of thoughts left me alone for a few days. What a treat. Its my mind that makes me feel trapped, location is irrelevant. I wrote this wee poem/ verse on the bus from Oaxaca to Mexico City, though the seed was planted in San Augustin Etla, my little mountain sanctuary. Lessons from Leaves Age old wisdom cradled within each delicate little stem Centuries on Earth, grants secrets trusted only to them Peacefully growing, happy with who they are Plants and flowers know more than us by far Find wonder in each seed, each root and leaf, each bloom Let us watch them and learn then in our souls find room For the gentle but vital life lessons that they have to teach Living with passion and grace, is so simply within your reach Look to the delicate flowers flourishing in the dusty soil, To the tiny green seedlings sprouting proudly without toil Nature knows that it's purpose is to be exactly as it is Inspired by their truth, we'll find our paths to peaceful bliss -March 27th 2016 I could describe the natural world in thousands of words and still have more to offer, but proud and truthful come to mind today. Flowers burst from their stems, exploding colours and scents on the earth without apology or embarrassment. Why should they? They cant help the shape or colour they are so why hide away the beauty they were blessed with? Water flows in the channel it finds itself in, unquestioning whether it is right and simply going with the flow. Butterflies flutter their intricate wings, birds sing their sweet songs. As they should. It is their birthright to be themselves. The sun beams brightly in the day, the moon takes the night shift, glowing radiantly in the sky. It a subtle dance and each performer knows its role amidst it all. Each part is vital. When we look at our fragile eco system and how easily it can fall apart without all the players- the wonderful bees for example, it becomes clear that when one component collapses, the rest follows. Humans are no different, we each have a little place on this earth to fill and as we dance around each other leaving lessons and questions behind, we keep the world moving. I often think of the people that are largely forgotten, the orphans in over populated slums, the poor street cleaners lost in the crowds, the beautiful people i have met that live in the tiniest, most remote places imaginable. I think of them and I send them love because I care about each one of them. No one is invalid, we all deserve a place here. Even when it makes no sense, everyone's role is important. Even mine. Nature knows it has a place, a purpose and a right to be the fullest, most beautiful expression of itself. Through living authentically, nature blossoms and flourishes in exactly the way that is intended. Can't we do the same? To get up and make the most of the day that is given to us, to be the best version of who we are, why is that so hard? Lets embrace our beauty and our flaws with open arms, trusting that who we are is exactly right. You can't be anyone else, trying to hide yourself with only lead to deep sadness. I'm not too sure what my true identity is right now, the wanderer is tired but still curious. Free spirit i am not. I'm littlebird and being small in stature has become a part of my identity, letting that go and allowing my body to fill out is incredibly hard for me. I know that when I do, the gaps in my life will fill a little too. I wish it was that easy to just snap out of this mindset. I so want to change and find some peace; like a happy little daisy glowing wild in the fields. Its not the most beautiful flower in the world but it does its best and brightens the earth in its unique way.Yes that would do me just fine.
In my relentless search to find a deep meaning and purpose I've also been trying to imagine my perfect life and honestly, I can't create a clear image. I know things I like and want to be part of my world but there's more to discover I think. Ideas that haven't formed yet, dreams unimagined. That's a nice thought. As my month here in Mexico draws to a close, i feel deep relief. I wish i didn't, i wish i was so busy having fun that home was but a distant memory. That is not the truth though. My anxiety levels have peaked to record heights during this trip and while its been difficult, it was the wake up call i so obviously needed. The physical journey became more a mental one, my destination being my surrender. Time for change. A new adventure beckons now. An untouched path, fraught with uncertainty but so full of possibiliities. Come down from the mountain, crawl out from the shadows, take off your mask, emerge from behind your little fortress. Step fully into your own life with passion and grace and live your truth. Be the person you dreamed you'd be. I really think that there can be no greater freedom on earth than simply allowing yourself to be exactly as you are. We owe it to ourselves to at least try. |
LittlebirdJenna. Free spirit, flower enthusiast, seeker of truths. Archives
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