Its come to my attention that i am always thinking and indeed writing about leaving, about endings. I have a habit of anticipating departures very soon upon arrival; i dont really know why my mind jumps to that but i suspect its a defense mechanism, a safety net. Like a little trick i play on myself to avoid excessive panic, I sub consciously i devise an escape route if things dont work out. I can leave and just start again somewhere else. No worries (well quite a lot of worries really). But actually I can leave. It’s okay. Its okay to pack up and move on, its okay to walk away, shut the door and leave it all behind. Our ancestors were nomadic people, they moved with the seasons, in harmony with the earth and maybe we should tap into that ancient practise for our own modern lives. Not perhaps in as extreme a sense as packing up your whole life, never to return, but maybe taking a nomadic break. For example; If you hate the cold, go somewhere sunny until winter passes, if you hate the heat, find respite in a cool climate and return when summer has passed. Like a migrating bird,i’ve always thought they had life right. Really, If where you live bores you, there’s a huge great world of beautful exciting places to explore, just pick one and go. Do it before you get too rooted down, tied and tethered by responsibility and duty. Be wild and free and transient. At least until you’ve had enough, then you can go home, should you want to. The thing that stops you is usually yourself. I’m tired of being told that im so lucky that i get to travel. I am so lucky, i was born into a loving family in a liberal country, well educated and privileged in every sense. But travel? Thats not really about luck, it’s about choice. I choose not to spend much money or tie myself down so that i can travel, its my choices that have allowed me this lifestyle. Not luck. Yes many people will never get the opportunity and that isn’t fair but the people that claim i am lucky, they could easily adjust their own lifestyles to enable adventuring. Priorities kay? Rant over. I’m back in Scotland now and Cornwall feels a lifetime away as always happens when i leave. Its amazing how, when you remove yourself, your possessions, your personal touches, your room quickly reverts to being just that: 4 walls, a ceiling and a floor. Nothing more. Once you realise that, It’s easy to leave it behind because the sanctuary you found there was within yourself, not within those 4 walls. You can take that haven with you and set it up in any place you like. You make your home. I love coming back to stay with my family in Glasgow, my mum has a beautiful garden, we make loads of vegan food together, there’s dogs, laughter and all my favourite people under one roof. That is home. I don't know where i’ll go next, after Asia there's a big blank gap. November-February is a pretty slow time for flowers, there's wreaths and Christmassy things; but mostly its a quiet time for flower farmers to catch up on all the sleep the past season deprived them of and plan for the spring. That means seeds! Looking through seed catalogues is a very exciting and overwhelming thing. Oh boy do i want a little greenhouse. Well, kind of. Its also a bit too permanent, growing means staying and i dont know if i want that yet. I still don't know where to live. I'm 26. I'm not saying that old, its just an age, nothing more than the time that has lapsed since i arrived on earth. I feel different from everyone else my age, i feel separate. I don't want the same things but its more than that, i feel like my very chemical make up is different, my thoughts and opinions are not on par with many other people i’ve ever met. I mostly keep them to myself actually. I struggle to understand how most people can just live content with one job, maybe get married, maybe have kids and that's that. There's nothing wrong with it, nit at all, i just cannot see myself ever following that path. But my own path has certainly not been how i'd hoped either. Or should i say, I haven't been the person I hoped i'd be. Far from it. I cannot shake the feeling of this is not it. I am not done yet, i haven't found what i'm looking for and i cant seem to settle myself until i find it. I dont know what it is but i need to know. I have these images in my mind, snap shots really of people, places, scents that are familiar but the memories are not mine. Not from this life anyway. I chase them. Is that silly? I guess it is. I cant even explain the way i feel, its just an unsettled confusion that i dont know how to cure. It's not really a bad feeling, it keeps me curious. So that's it for now, im off and wont be blogging until my return. I’m not going alone this time, little sis is coming too so there will be less stress and more hilarity. This trip aims to be a leisurely sojourn through South East Asia, with the sole purpose of enjoyment and adventure. First stop: Singapore.
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