Journey: a voyage of discovery. I really wanted each post to correspond with a particular plant or flower but im a bit scattered right now and my mind is a chaotic place so this is just some thoughts from the past few days. On our journeys, there are ups and downs and bumps in the road , dead ends and an abundance of challenges. We cant predict what is going to happen or how we are going to feel. What we can influence is how we react to the situations we find ourselves in. I'm not so good at that, when i lose control, i cant cope. I've changed my blog name to girl on the edge, when I get off the edge I will return to seeking flowers in my hair. I think im on the edge in every sense; skirting along the outsides of life, unable to relax, scared to commit to anything, a lone wolf (bird) pacing the forests on my own; my mind a sharp and jagged environment keeping me trapped. At the top of a mountain peering down at the distant vibrant world below me, desperate to join but safe in my isolation up here on the edge. No one can force me down, I have to take those tentative careful steps myself. Stumbling on the loose gravel underfoot, scared that I am making a mistake but aware that the journey back up is way more arduous than to continue. And thus a new path is tread. I don't know where it will lead or when I'll get there but that's okay. One step at a time. I might fall but I'll get up and try again, that's all we can do. Each day we are blessed that the sun rises, bathing the earth in warmth and light, beckoning us from the darkness into a new day of boundless opportunity. So i tell myself. I actually thought i didn't like being in the mountains, that it made me feel trapped and that beaches my favourite. But on this trip, i've found most peace and joy in a small village up in the hills. I had a lot of creative, positive thoughts during my time there and the vicious army of thoughts left me alone for a few days. What a treat. Its my mind that makes me feel trapped, location is irrelevant. I wrote this wee poem/ verse on the bus from Oaxaca to Mexico City, though the seed was planted in San Augustin Etla, my little mountain sanctuary. Lessons from Leaves Age old wisdom cradled within each delicate little stem Centuries on Earth, grants secrets trusted only to them Peacefully growing, happy with who they are Plants and flowers know more than us by far Find wonder in each seed, each root and leaf, each bloom Let us watch them and learn then in our souls find room For the gentle but vital life lessons that they have to teach Living with passion and grace, is so simply within your reach Look to the delicate flowers flourishing in the dusty soil, To the tiny green seedlings sprouting proudly without toil Nature knows that it's purpose is to be exactly as it is Inspired by their truth, we'll find our paths to peaceful bliss -March 27th 2016 I could describe the natural world in thousands of words and still have more to offer, but proud and truthful come to mind today. Flowers burst from their stems, exploding colours and scents on the earth without apology or embarrassment. Why should they? They cant help the shape or colour they are so why hide away the beauty they were blessed with? Water flows in the channel it finds itself in, unquestioning whether it is right and simply going with the flow. Butterflies flutter their intricate wings, birds sing their sweet songs. As they should. It is their birthright to be themselves. The sun beams brightly in the day, the moon takes the night shift, glowing radiantly in the sky. It a subtle dance and each performer knows its role amidst it all. Each part is vital. When we look at our fragile eco system and how easily it can fall apart without all the players- the wonderful bees for example, it becomes clear that when one component collapses, the rest follows. Humans are no different, we each have a little place on this earth to fill and as we dance around each other leaving lessons and questions behind, we keep the world moving. I often think of the people that are largely forgotten, the orphans in over populated slums, the poor street cleaners lost in the crowds, the beautiful people i have met that live in the tiniest, most remote places imaginable. I think of them and I send them love because I care about each one of them. No one is invalid, we all deserve a place here. Even when it makes no sense, everyone's role is important. Even mine. Nature knows it has a place, a purpose and a right to be the fullest, most beautiful expression of itself. Through living authentically, nature blossoms and flourishes in exactly the way that is intended. Can't we do the same? To get up and make the most of the day that is given to us, to be the best version of who we are, why is that so hard? Lets embrace our beauty and our flaws with open arms, trusting that who we are is exactly right. You can't be anyone else, trying to hide yourself with only lead to deep sadness. I'm not too sure what my true identity is right now, the wanderer is tired but still curious. Free spirit i am not. I'm littlebird and being small in stature has become a part of my identity, letting that go and allowing my body to fill out is incredibly hard for me. I know that when I do, the gaps in my life will fill a little too. I wish it was that easy to just snap out of this mindset. I so want to change and find some peace; like a happy little daisy glowing wild in the fields. Its not the most beautiful flower in the world but it does its best and brightens the earth in its unique way.Yes that would do me just fine.
In my relentless search to find a deep meaning and purpose I've also been trying to imagine my perfect life and honestly, I can't create a clear image. I know things I like and want to be part of my world but there's more to discover I think. Ideas that haven't formed yet, dreams unimagined. That's a nice thought. As my month here in Mexico draws to a close, i feel deep relief. I wish i didn't, i wish i was so busy having fun that home was but a distant memory. That is not the truth though. My anxiety levels have peaked to record heights during this trip and while its been difficult, it was the wake up call i so obviously needed. The physical journey became more a mental one, my destination being my surrender. Time for change. A new adventure beckons now. An untouched path, fraught with uncertainty but so full of possibiliities. Come down from the mountain, crawl out from the shadows, take off your mask, emerge from behind your little fortress. Step fully into your own life with passion and grace and live your truth. Be the person you dreamed you'd be. I really think that there can be no greater freedom on earth than simply allowing yourself to be exactly as you are. We owe it to ourselves to at least try.
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LittlebirdJenna. Free spirit, flower enthusiast, seeker of truths. Archives
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