Lichen: Solitude A lichen is an associated organism, meaning two very different beings, an alga and a fungus, live together producing a new body- the lichen thallus. Lichens come in many colors, sizes, and forms. The properties are sometimes plant-like, but lichens are not plants. Though they may look like and grow alongside mosses, lichens are not related to mosses or any plant. They do not have roots that absorb water and nutrients as plants do but like plants, they produce their own food by photosynthesis using sunlight energy, from carbon dioxide, water and minerals in their environment. A macrolichen is a lichen that is either bush-like or leafy; all other lichens are termed microlichens. It is estimated that 6% of Earth's land surface is covered by lichen. I like the word lichen, its fun to say. If I had a little creature I would call it Lichen maybe. More than a week into 2016 and, well its better than 2015 but I am not happy. I dont know why, happiness just eludes me at the moment (actually all the moments)and all I want is curl up on my bed reading Harry Potter fan fiction. I think I may be trying to escape my reality. My reality is not at all bad. It's just doesn't feel right. Maybe its depression or anxiety, i dont much care for labels, but i cannot shake this horrible feeling of panic; life does not excite me, its something i have to endure. Sorry. I wanted this blog to be a place of hope and positivity but also transparent truth. So i must write from my soul. My job has me wandering all over Glasgow chatting to people about chocolate so that's all good but at my core, I don't feel like I deserve the job and someone/ anyone would do it so much better than me. That being said, I am working hard and doing my best so how much more can I ask of myself really? I also cant stand living in Glasgow, I miss sunshine and walking barefoot and visiting markets bursting with life and palm fringed beaches and falling asleep under the sun. I miss being out in the world; its where I belong. Typical western living is just not for me, it feels all wrong and I feel all wrong. I just have no desire for stuff, for wealth, for status, for power; I want something so much more real. When people speak of dreams of winning the lottery, I just cant relate. What would I do with it? I'd probably give it away but I just dont want that responsibilty. I'd just like a tiny little cottage and freedom. I want to eat food that grew in my own little garden and swim in the ocean and read books. Did i mention sun? I want every little thing in my life to have a story, a meaning. What is the point in all the stuff? I struggle to see the point in a lot of things. Ah, yes lichen. It represents solitude and given that it has adapted to survive in some of the most extreme environments on earth, growing abundantly on arctic tundra, on top of soil, inside solid rock and on just about any other surface that most other organisms cant survive on; i'd say lichen was a bit of a lone wolf. A renegade if you will. Like me. Some lichen do not even grow on anything, they just live their lives blowing about in the wind. Yep, i'm lichen. To say I like my solitutde would be a mammoth understatement. I need solitude. So, I am often alone, I barely notice it anymore. A few times on my travels, well meaning locals would say things like “oh you have no friends” or “you are only one?” To which I would proudly answer yes. I was trying to choose a photo that represented me in solitude and I decided me on a beach in South Africa was pretty good. I had decided to avoid buses and walk along the coastline for a few days with all i owned on my my back. It was wonderful and had it been possible I would have carried on. Walking under the sun surrounded by beauty, I never feel alone. Nature is my friend and she is all I need, right? I read the book “Into The Wild” years ago and many of the words could have come from my own mouth. Yet it has a sad ending and Christopher McCandless' last words were "happiness is only real when shared". With everything, there must be balance. Lichen grows in places where the air is pure and clean. In places where there is more nature than mankind, it can flourish from sea level to high alpine areas on almost any surface including on bark and leaves.My kind of places. Every time I see it thriving, I remember that and I know i'm in a safe place. To get away from all that is concrete and unnatural is just so important for every one of us, we are a part of nature and living lives in artificial spaces causes huge disconnect. That's why it feels so good to walk in a forest or skip through meadows or meander along a beach. It's where we, little earthlings belong; in nature we are home. I'm planning a trip this year, I will most likely go alone and the thought of a break from life is keeping me going. All last year I kept meaning to go somewhere then deciding I should stay and be an adult then getting itchy feet again then being too worried about money and not having a decent running route and drowning in anxiety because of it. Then i felt so ridiculous and angry at myself for being so irrational that i didn't even want to go on an adventure with myself anyway. No decision comes easy for me, theres a lot I have to consider. Anyone want to be me?
I dont think being a solitary person is a bad thing but as usual with me, I am probably (certainly) alone far too much. I think i need it that way, i'm still struggling to have a civil relationship with myself so im not very good at having friends. Maybe that will change, maybe it wont. Its widely expressed now that a relationship with yourself is the most one important you will ever have so learning to be alone and enjoying your own company is undeniably vital. There's a verse in one of my favourite poems that mirrors this: "I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments" The Invitation, Oriah Mountain Dreamer We enter this world alone and we are the only ones that will accompany us on the entire journey of our lives. Best make friends and enjoy the quiet moments, the moments when there is only you. In my quest for balance, I am trying to be less alone because I find little peace in my solitude anymore, its simply how I exist. Companionship is equally as important. I'm told. Find the balance, seek your truth, life authentically. If you manage this, please do tell me how.
1 Comment
Michelle
3/5/2016 09:35:20 am
Lichen - we have plenty of it here in Uist Jenna and Vallay Island is covered in it and surrounded by beautiful beaches as you know - please come back (when the weather is warm enough for you) and soak in as much peace and nature that you need and seek us out for company.
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
LittlebirdJenna. Free spirit, flower enthusiast, seeker of truths. Archives
December 2021
Categories
All
|