I did a ceremonial mushroom ceremony this month; after reading and hearing of the power of psychedelics, numerous times, I felt a calling to try it out. It can and does literally lift many people out of depression, making the unconscious, conscious and allowing us to see our lives differently. When we go into an experience like this with an intention, we can create an opportunity to heal and learn from the trip. Indigenous people have used plant medicine for thousands of years, its only been in recent years that humans have abused its power and consequently, these incredible experiences have become illegal, taboo and unacceptable in "normal society".
My new motto; fuck the rules, follow the plants. I didn't have high expectations, I am so tethered to controlling that I worried that nothing would happen, I wouldn't allow anything to happen. I tried to surrender to whatever the experience was, silence my inner sceptic and simply allow the mushrooms in; I did that. What happened was exactly what was meant to; it did lift the depression for a few days and the lightness was such a relief. I could breathe without the crushing darkness suffocating me. I don't completely understand how depression works but I do know its bloody good at making everything seem incredibly hopeless and bleak. So much so that almost everything feels impossible, it's a dementor living in your mind, sucking the joy out of everything. Even the good stuff is behind a veil, shrouded and untouchable. Memories warp into lies and nightmares, I'm not longer sure of what is real and what is imaged or created. It's just so incredibly dark at times. I didn't have a crazy psychedelic experience; it was more of a gentle but wildly colourful journey undertaken entirely in my mind. When i opened my eyes, the world as I knew it, was completely normal. With my eyes closed however, all i could see was colour, dancing, rippling, cascading colour and symbols, apparently choreographed by the music. I felt like i was seeing the music actually. At one point, everything was blue, pale icy blue (maybe it was actually ice, i think it was) with a tiny black speck, like a seed, amidst it which I knew was me. I subliminally asked "help me find the light" and suddenly I reached up and grabbed the sun/ ball of light and everything became multi-coloured, like a rainbow everywhere. Distinct layers of colour. I was the light. The light was me. The music was still playing and i sat with this feeling then at some point, I realised that my mind wasn't all black and dark anymore, the top of my head and all around was tiled with stained glass windows. Light streaming in. 360 degrees all the way around my head, windows with brilliant, radiant light flooding in. There was no darkness in my brain, nothing to hide from. Just light. That was a really beautiful feeling and it lingered for days. The message seemed to be: let it in, let the light stream in a multicoloured rainbow. We are the light. Not because I think I’m a magical rainbow but because if there is light, why linger in the dark? I’ve dwelled in it for so long, believing that, not only did I deserve it, but that there was no way out. I can hold the torch and light my way out, I always could but first I had to know that there was light there. The mushrooms opened that thought up for me, reminded me that we are all energy; I don’t need to know everything I only have to know that the light exists. Photos from happy, sunny, colourful travels. Magical moments captured and treasured. From the top California, Kenya, Mexico, Honduras, South Africa and India.
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